my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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