i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
