Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
