I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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