I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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