I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
