lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
