The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
