I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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