I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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