if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
