OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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