Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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