I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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