I'm going to jail i love you
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
