According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
