Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
