I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
