Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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