Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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