So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
