sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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