My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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