remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
