omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
