I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
