Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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