So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
