She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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