if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
