Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
ttyl tear gas
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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