I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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