the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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