She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
