I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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