I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
