he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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