6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
