Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
