Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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