I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
