there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you would pick up someone in the library
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
