Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just cut my nipple shaving
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
