I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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