so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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