i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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