You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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