Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
