Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
