Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
