I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
did i just pee glitter
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
