everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
