if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
