is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
