69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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