dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
